I'm a lot like Batman. I wear black and... Well, if Batman made subs then he would be me... Also if he had a family... Okay, lets try this again: I work at a Subway fast food restaurant and I write jokes on the sub wrappers of unsuspecting customers.
Customer: So, where are you from originally? Me: Illinois Customer: Oh cool, I’m actually going to be visiting Iowa soon! Me: Nice, I’ll actually be moving to Texas next week! Customer: Wow, cool! So you’ve probably just screwed up all our subs on purpose then, huh? Me: Well, I wasn’t gonna say anything…
Final sub joke. A couple of parents came in to get dinner for their two sons. One of them ordered a ham sub while the other got a vege delite with extra olives. Their Labels? The Hamster and Olive Monster subs.
Just realised that this will be my last shift at Subway! For my co-workers on my friends list, I offer the following advice: Disrespect your elders, steal from customers and do drugs. (following this sarcastic update’s advice waives the legal right to sue). Good luck to you guys!
Someone who works at the KFC opposite my work has put a “#YOLO” and “F#CK!” bumper sticker on their car. What can I leave pinned under their windshield whiper to reaffirm that they are, in fact, a terrible human being because of this. Suggestion time!
Customer complimented my sub so I dubbed it the “Mona Lisa Sub”. If my hayfever weren’t acting up I would have put on my Attenborough voice and started curating the sandwich. “Here we have a piece from Picasso’s lesser known ‘Salad’ period. Notice the arrangement of tomatoes in comparison to the sensually placed capsicum slices. Truly an insight to the creative atmosphere of Paris in the 1920s- that’ll be 9.95, thank you, have a good night.”
I was serving a customer when that “I Can Be Your Hero, Baby” song started on the radio. When I got to the register I looked the customer in the eye and said ‘I have to go change the radio station before I go on a shooting spree.’ he was still laughing when I got back and chuckled on his way out the door.
The manager of the store has written a message on the whiteboard about her quitting on the 29th. So I drew HAL from 2001: A Space Odyssey below with the message “I’m afraid I can’t let you do that, Melise.”
Dammit, I’ve missed all three presidential debates and I don’t like the fact that I can answer the question of why with “Because I was making sandwiches through two of them.” -October 22nd
A friend from high-school came in for a sub during the peak of today’s lunch rush. His message was “Sub Dean, Sub Without A Cause.” I’ll be honest, I’m still grinning at the mental image of James Dean with a sub for a face, riding a motorcycle while wearing that famous red jacket.
